Temple Baptist Life

I have been thinking a lot about this lately as I have been reading The Peacemaker by Ken Sande. Peace is a part of walking with Jesus. His Spirit gives to us His peace in every situation. Over the years I have seen God work in families, churches and with individuals with His ministry and gift of Peace. I have personally experienced His peace when my flesh wanted to strike out to be justified rather than to be humble and be reconciled. Flesh and Self wants to survive at all costs. The only thing we find in the flesh is selfishness and sin. Flesh and Self will override reason, logic and all of our scriptural teachings. I have seen Christians choose against what the Bible teaches about reconciliation.

French novelist and playwright Alexandre Dumas once had a heated quarrel with a rising young politician. The argument became so intense that a duel was inevitable. Since both men were superb shots they decided to draw lots, the loser agreeing to shoot himself. Dumas lost. Pistol in hand, he withdrew in silent dignity to another room, closing the door behind him. The rest of the company waited in gloomy suspense for the shot that would end his career. It rang out at last. His friends ran to the door, opened it, and found Dumas, smoking revolver in hand. “Gentlemen, a most regrettable thing has happened,” he announced. “I missed.”

If you have been wronged or hurt, your goal should always be reconciliation. I am amazed to see the reaction of those who go through conflict. The three most popular responses is to, 1. Run from the problem and break fellowship with the person that has caused the problem or to go to the extreme to even withdraw from a church. 2. Strike out in anger at the offender so one can feel justified. 3. Talk bad about the offending person to anyone who will listen. All of these responses are wrong.

When conflict comes, the only goal of a child of God should be to be reconciled with a brother or sister. I can find no place in the scripture that tells a child of God to run (quit church), strike out in anger or to gossip about someone with whom you have conflict. We are always told to talk to each other and never about each other. Jesus addressed this in Matthew (Matthew 5 and Matthew 18) and both times the instructions were for reconciliation. None of us is entirely free from the unhappiness caused by the wrongs of others. Our inclination may be to retaliate or “get even.” But the Word of God always speaks of a different kind of response:

• “Live at peace with everyone” (Romans 12:18).

• “Repay no one evil for evil” (Romans 12:17).

• “Do not take revenge” (Romans 12:19).

• “Love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you” (Matthew 5:44).

Certain attitudes and actions tend to create enemies or widen differences:

• Selfish actions or lack of sensitivity toward others.

• Unwillingness to realize that we may be the “offender” rather than the “offended.”

• Talking about people rather than to them; “putting them down” or criticizing their attitudes and actions instead of humbly confronting them.

• Deliberately ignoring a tense situation rather than trying to correct it.

• Believing that we are morally superior because we have found something to condemn in someone else.

• Refusing to “go the second mile” or to “turn the other cheek” as taught in Scripture. Forgiveness is the essence of the redeemed life: “Forgive, and you will be forgiven” (Luke 6:37).

• Disobeying God’s directive to love our enemies, bless them, do good to them, and pray for them (Matthew 5:44).

If you have been wronged you are under obligation to forgive, with all that this implies. You are to take the first step toward reconciliation. The mature Christian will always assume the responsibility for being a peacemaker. The attitude of Christ, who never demanded His “rights”, was always reconciliation. Though He was reviled and spat upon, He didn’t retaliate. He loved, exercised forgiveness, and humbly reconciled.

It is in every person’s best interest to clear up the situation as early as possible: “Settle matters quickly with your adversary who is taking you to court . . . or he may hand you over to the judge . . .and you may be thrown into prison. . . . You will not get out until you have paid the last penny” (Matthew 5:25–26, NIV).
Any approach to reconciliation must be made with humility, remembering that none of us is without sin: “A soft answer turns away wrath” (Proverbs 15:1). “Speaking the truth in love” (Ephesians 4:15).

Ken Sande says the approach to resolving conflict may be summarized in four basic principles, called the four “G’s.”

1. Glorify God – 1 Corinthians 10:31 says, …whatever you do, do all to the glory of God. Biblical peacemaking is motivated and guided by a deep desire to bring honor to God by revealing the reconciling love and power of Jesus Christ. AS we draw on His grace, follow His example, and put His teachings into practice, we can find freedom from the impulsive, self-centered decisions that make conflict worse, and bring praise to God by displaying the power of the gospel in our lives.
2. Get the log out of your eye – Matthew 7:5 says, …first remove the plank from you own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye. Attacking others only invites counterattacks. This is why Jesus teaches us to face up to our own contributions to a conflict before we focus on what others have done. When we overlook others minor offenses and honestly admit our own faults, our opponents will often respond in kind. As tensions decrease, the way may be opened for sincere discussion, negotiation, and reconciliation.
3. Gently Restore – Galatians 6:1 says, …restore on in a spirit of gentleness. When others fail to see their contribution to a conflict, we sometimes need to graciously show them their fault. If they refuse to respond appropriately, Jesus calls us to involve respected friends, church leaders, or other objective individuals who can help us encourage repentance and restore peace.
4. Go and Be Reconciled – Matthew 5:24 says, …if you remember that your brother has something against you, … go your way. First be reconciled to your brother, then come and offer your gift. Finally, peacemaking involves a commitment to restoring damaged relationships and negotiating just agreements. When we forgive others as Jesus has forgiven us and seek solutions that satisfy others interests as well as our own, the debris of conflict is cleared away and the door is opened for genuine peace.

Conflict can be a great opportunity to see God work and to see relationships strengthened. Conflict must always be viewed as a growth opportunity. I have always believed that two mature Christians can set down and resolve any conflict. By mature I mean individuals who are walking in the spirit and not in the flesh.

I remember reading this story about conflict within a company. Many years ago a senior executive of the then Standard Oil Company made a wrong decision that cost the company more than $2 million. John D. Rockefeller was then running the firm. On the day the news leaked out most of the executives of the company were finding various ingenious ways of avoiding Mr. Rockefeller, lest his wrath descend on their heads.

There was one exception, however; he was Edward T. Bedford, a partner in the company. Bedford was scheduled to see Rockefeller that day and he kept the appointment, even though he was prepared to listen to a long harangue against the man who made the error in judgment.
When he entered the office the powerful head of the gigantic Standard Oil empire was bent over his desk busily writing with a pencil on a pad of paper. Bedford stood silently, not wishing to interrupt. After a few minutes Rockefeller looked up.

“Oh, it’s you, Bedford,” he said calmly. “I suppose you’ve heard about our loss?”
Bedford said that he had.
“I’ve been thinking it over,” Rockefeller said, “and before I ask the man in to discuss the matter, I’ve been making some notes.”

Bedford later told the story this way:
“Across the top of the page was written, ‘Points in favor of Mr. _______.’ There followed a long list of the man’s virtues, including a brief description of how he had helped the company make the right decision on three separate occasions that had earned many times the cost of his recent error.
“I never forgot that lesson. In later years, whenever I was tempted to rip into anyone, I forced myself first to sit down and thoughtfully compile as long a list of good points as I possibly could. Invariably, by the time I finished my inventory, I would see the matter in its true perspective and keep my temper under control. There is no telling how many times this habit has prevented me from committing one of the costliest mistakes any executive can make — losing his temper. I commend it to anyone who must deal with people.”

We must always see others through the eyes of our Lord. It is not easy, but it is required. When we see others, even those who offend us, with His eyes it makes reconciliation easier. It makes us all aware of our own short comings and our own sin. I pray we at Temple will practice what scripture teaches and seek reconciliation.

Forgiven and Reconciled,